Eating My Words

I’ll just go ahead and say that I’m not always right. Let’s get that out of the way. It hurts to say, usually, but I am glad to say it this time because it means that things are getting to a better place in the Zoo.

The ex-wife is finally dating a really nice guy. Though he hasn’t been married and doesn’t  have kids of his own, he has dated women with children before and therefore understands the dynamic of exes and children. It took awhile for us to meet him, but now that we have, it almost feels like a Modern Family sort of thing ( have I mentioned that her family loves me?)…he might even be moving into my apartment complex!

She told me something over this past weekend that really made me feel good. Because of all the boundaries and craziness that plagued the first few months of mine and M’s relationship, hearing her say this was a big moment, and I can only hope things stay this good between us. She told me:

 I’m VERY grateful that M has such a wonderful woman in his and our boys’ lives 😉.

And, FYI, I, firmly, believe that God’s brought the best possible “bonus mom” into their lives, and I can’t thank you enough for showing them love and being so amazing to them when you’re around them 😊.

Maddie is, extremely, lucky!!

Needless to say, I was speechless. I am grateful for the cooperation and ease with which we now communicate and hope it continues! Yay for new boyfriends and yay for getting along!

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(L)earning My Place

I have been thinking about this post for awhile. How I feel on a given day is largely controlled by the state of the union between my boyfriend’s ex wife and the rest of us. I have never been involved with someone with an ex wife and kids and it has been quite the learning curve so far.

Before their divorce was final, the boys’ mom was more than a little difficult from time to time. She freely told M about her dating escapades but if he asked her a question about someone she seemed to have a “great connection with” she would get defensive and a little nuts. The tipping point came for me when he was diagnosed with testicular cancer and her reaction was childish, inappropriate and way beyond the pale. I was livid and intended on telling her exactly what I thought of her. As soon as everything was final.

Lucky for her, she realized what a twat she had been and things have been fairly copacetic between them ever since. She still tries to get out of her time with the boys on occasion (and many weekends), but she has also been extremely helpful and cooperative on other occasions.

Recently she got on my nerves again and I’m not proud to say that I lost my shit about it. Several small things got under my skin– she called M when someone was knocking on her door; she got in a small fender bender and called him; she was trying to date a guy who M went to school with and asked him to help her stalk the guy’s page on Facebook– and I finally exploded about it.

“She is not your wife anymore!” I screamed. “she cannot keep asking you for things. She gave up those rights and privileges and she is pissing me off with this neediness!” She has a father and a brother and a best friend to call and whine to, I continued. She needs to stop.acting.like.his.wife.

I want them to get along, but I don’t find it acceptable that she is constantly texting him when it doesn’t have to do with the boys. She was threatened by my presence early on in our relationship, feeling that I was trying to replace her with her children. Now I want to take my place by M’s side– a place SHE gave up- but I feel thwarted in that.

Friends, give me your opinion: am I too sensitive, or do I have a right to be upset about this? Chime in!