(L)earning My Place

I have been thinking about this post for awhile. How I feel on a given day is largely controlled by the state of the union between my boyfriend’s ex wife and the rest of us. I have never been involved with someone with an ex wife and kids and it has been quite the learning curve so far.

Before their divorce was final, the boys’ mom was more than a little difficult from time to time. She freely told M about her dating escapades but if he asked her a question about someone she seemed to have a “great connection with” she would get defensive and a little nuts. The tipping point came for me when he was diagnosed with testicular cancer and her reaction was childish, inappropriate and way beyond the pale. I was livid and intended on telling her exactly what I thought of her. As soon as everything was final.

Lucky for her, she realized what a twat she had been and things have been fairly copacetic between them ever since. She still tries to get out of her time with the boys on occasion (and many weekends), but she has also been extremely helpful and cooperative on other occasions.

Recently she got on my nerves again and I’m not proud to say that I lost my shit about it. Several small things got under my skin– she called M when someone was knocking on her door; she got in a small fender bender and called him; she was trying to date a guy who M went to school with and asked him to help her stalk the guy’s page on Facebook– and I finally exploded about it.

“She is not your wife anymore!” I screamed. “she cannot keep asking you for things. She gave up those rights and privileges and she is pissing me off with this neediness!” She has a father and a brother and a best friend to call and whine to, I continued. She needs to stop.acting.like.his.wife.

I want them to get along, but I don’t find it acceptable that she is constantly texting him when it doesn’t have to do with the boys. She was threatened by my presence early on in our relationship, feeling that I was trying to replace her with her children. Now I want to take my place by M’s side– a place SHE gave up- but I feel thwarted in that.

Friends, give me your opinion: am I too sensitive, or do I have a right to be upset about this? Chime in!

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